Connecting with Kids
Both were about to go to sleep. I just went and slept in between them.
The younger one said: what happened to you? As I am unlike this gesture :)
The elder one asked me when are we buying a new house.
He started describing his friend’s house. Each one having their own individual rooms and there is a separate guest room. And it ended with “there is a bar in the house”.
My response:
I grew up in a 1 room kitchen (not that it should apply to you). However, my parents gave me a very important thing is that to be simple. They gave me good sanskaras. It kept me away from any bad habits. It did not matter that we had only place to sleep and no personal space but it was very important that we grow up in an environment which was more nurturing then forming bad habits.
I had the best childhood one can imagine and it was NOT ABOUT MONEY at all. It was about being playful and happy. We never discussed money or size of house. We had no comparison of rich or poor (in fact this came to my mind now)
When my 15–20 friends used to come to my house, we used to sleep on the terrace under open sky.
I am a tough parent to deal with as such. I have chosen to be hard over being convenient for my children. It is taking time for them to understand but they are getting it slowly and steadily.
I told them that night that I would never have bar in my house (I don’t drink anyways). Its a matter of sansakars. What are you putting your children in to just to raise your own social status?
I told them in life its important to earn peace, happiness and satisfaction. So develop qualities which will lead you to these 3 things. No amount of money can buy these qualities.
For example, you can buy the most expensive bed but it cannot buy sleep.
Next, My elder one then asked me what should he get for his next year’s birthday? I told him he should rather think what he can give to his grand parents on their birthday rather then thinking what he should receive. Learn to give not only to receive.
He was like but I don’t earn money. I told him then take up something whereby you can earn money. You should at least intent to earn then something will come up for you. If you only know to receive, you have become too complacent and have taken things for granted.
Next he goes for a movie with his friends but he has to travel by bus and not rickshaw or uber or ola. You should know the middle class form of living to appreciate higher class of living.
He gets 19rs re charge only for that day to communicate via his mobile phone :)
Too restrictive? No, its a mind training. As long as knows the value of money, I am good with it. He should know nothing is readymade, he will have to create things on his own.
I gave them a simple example of some children playing cricket with a plastic ball and a wooden plank (there is no handle also) at an ashram where we had stayed, that they were happy to play (period). It did not matter if the bat was classy or the ball was not real, what mattered is that they were playing with whatever was available to them.
Money is absolutely required to have a standard of living but money is not required to be happy. Money is required for basic survival, but once that is a given it cannot buy happiness.
Then we just prayed to gather:
oh god, thank you for being with us. Because of you, we are where we are. We have received everything that you wanted to give us and that is more then enough for us. We are blessed one that we are able to connect with each other and be one in the family. You are so great that you forgive our small small mis doings. we are naive but you have always taken care of us. Thank you god, we love you god.
In the end I told them that
Neither winning is important, Nor Loosing is important.
Life is a play, Playing is important.
So just don’t command your children, connect with them.
